Skip to main content

Is your teen disrespecting you? Here’s how to handle it

The eye-rolling. The moodiness. The snippy comebacks. You have to love that adolescent phase. On the one hand, you want your teen to be a critical thinker, yet you wish this practice didn’t come with a good amount of attitude.

The good news is this stage won’t last forever — though it might feel like it at times. Read on to find out more about the factors behind your teen’s disrespectful behavior and some tips to help you deal with it.

Take a (figurative) look inside the teenage brain

Ferris Bueller’s Day Off

Gaining a clear understanding behind the disrespect is the first step toward effectively dealing with it while keeping your relationship with your teen intact.

First off, as you’re already aware, the adolescent years are a period of tremendous growth, especially in the teenage brain. According to a study published in the Journal of Adolescent Health, the teenage years involve a tremendous transformation of the frontal lobe of the brain that’s responsible for decision-making.

Remain calm

This suggestion might be the most difficult at times. Nonetheless, remaining cool under the pressure of dealing with an irritated teenager is important to resolve the situation. Losing your temper might only serve to escalate the situation, and depending on what seemingly incited your youngster’s edgy response (i.e., wanting to borrow the car or explaining a bad grade), you’ll need a cool head to think clearly about how to deal with root of the situation.

Establish clear rules

Believe it or not, teens want structure. Establishing clear rules gives a sense of stability and lets a teen know exactly what to expect. In fact, doing the opposite of setting rules or being inconsistent about boundaries only contributes to confusion or even insecurity for your teen. So, by setting rules and including your children in this discussion, you will foster more family harmony because everyone will be on the same page — or at least aware of it.

Focus on the actions — not the person

When your teen resorts to disrespecting you, it’s quite difficult to not take it personally. Therefore, you’ll need to maintain your focus on the behavior itself.

More than likely, when you’re met with sarcasm or a slammed door, your kiddo could be taking a disappointing event or a loss out on you. Make no mistake. This does not excuse the behavior, but when you address the action itself, for example, by reminding your teen that doors are not slammed in this house, or that shouting is not appropriate, then you’re shifting the attention to the habit that needs to be changed as opposed to the person. This also prevents your teen from being defensive and going into argument mode.

Give positive reinforcement

Mother and daughter talking

If you’re trying to teach teenagers to respect parents, then it’s time to reinforce good habits. Whenever your teen makes a conscious choice to talk calmly with you about a potentially contentious matter and even manages to listen, give him or her some props for behaving maturely. When they know that you are aware that they are trying to make a wise choice, they will let their guard down about communicating with you, which in the long run will foster more open and honest conversations.

Set and consistently use consequences

On the other hand, when conversations go south, and the disrespect makes a comeback, you’ll need to apply the consequences.

This is uncertain territory for both parent and child. For starters, the teenager is testing you to see if you will follow through with denying the screen time or withholding the car keys after having just been rude. At the same time, you’re weighing the pros and cons of grounding for the weekend and then having to spend the next 72 hours with a sulking adolescent.

Again, it’s a challenge, but you’ll need to remain consistent and remember that boundaries equal stability. The punishment doesn’t have to drag out for weeks and should not be too harsh. That would take away from an opportunity for your kiddo to learn from the action and consequence. Also, allow the consequence to speak for itself rather than rubbing it in with an “I told you so.”

What to avoid

Basically, when applying these hints to dealing with your teen’s disrespect in a constructive manner, there are a few practices to avoid such as:

  • Sarcasm
  • Bad timing
  • Constant nagging
  • Arguing
  • Lecturing

All in all, the teen years may be some of the most tumultuous, but both of you will survive and even come out of it stronger in the end.

Editors' Recommendations

Leslie Anderson
Former Digital Trends Contributor
Leslie Anderson is a freelance writer/writing coach from Roswell, N.M. She enjoys gardening, cooking, and helping students…
Should you wear a postpartum belt after your C-section?
How to tell if abdominal wrapping is safe for you
Mother with newborn

After welcoming your baby, you're probably not worrying too much about getting back to your pre-pregnancy body. But, as things begin to settle down you may start to focus on supporting your new post-partum body and doing what you can to get back to what you looked and felt like before pregnancy.

One of the methods some people use to aid in this process is the postpartum belt, otherwise known as abdominal wrapping. Believers in abdominal wrapping cite back support, skin tightening, and muscle rebuilding as benefits, but what if you’ve had a C-section? Those who have had to undergo a C-section may want to consider specifically made C-section belly bands if they're thinking about abdominal wrapping.

Read more
Kid-friendly YouTubers your child will be safe watching
YouTube accounts your kids will love
two kids playing on phones

Kids love to watch videos on YouTube, and since most are watching on handheld devices and not large televisions, it can sometimes be hard for parents to always monitor what they're watching.  And whether you try to limit screen time or not, chances are your kids are watching something without your knowledge.

Most parents have taken steps to introduce children to internet safety, with some installing parental controls while others try to make sure they always know what sites their kids are visiting. YouTube has become hugely popular amongst kids with a seemingly endless variety of new creators who are posting content kids love. It can be overwhelming for parents to try to keep up and make sure their kids are only following kid-friendly YouTubers who aren’t teaching them the wrong things.

Read more
What is normal teen sexual behavior? We’ve got answers to help you understand your teenager
When you should start talking to your teens about sex
Two teenagers on a date outside

Parenting teens is not for the faint of heart! Exploring sexuality is a normal part of growing up, especially as kids progress through their teenage years. Although it may be uncomfortable for parents to discuss sex behavior with their teens, being educated about typical sexual development and what teens may be hearing from their peers is important. Parents should be able to talk openly with their child about protection, consent, risk reduction, and other issues.
Teens will be talking about sex and exploring this new part of their lives eventually and it's perfectly natural. Having your head in the sand won't make it go away, so the information below will prepare you with information to tackle this new stage of parenting.

Puberty
The onset of puberty is what can start the beginning of this stage of life for teens, but it doesn't mean they're ready for sex; just that they may start experiencing sexual thoughts like crushes or urges like feeling aroused. On average, puberty begins between ages 8 and 14.

Read more