Skip to main content

Is your toddler kicking, punching, or hitting? Here’s what to do — before it gets worse

Children push boundaries to know what their limits are, so it’s important to let kids know when they do something that’s not okay. You may be alarmed when you first see your toddler start the dreaded hitting, pushing, or kicking that can be common at their age, but there are things you can do to help them curb this new behavior.

It may be mortifying for you to see your toddler pushing others, but it’s happened to many more parents than you think and isn’t a reflection of bad parenting. Take a deep breath and read on.

Toddler girl crying
Marcel Jancovic/Shutterstock.com

What causes toddlers to hit

“I call toddlerhood the ‘hitting stage’ of development because this behavior can be common in children between 1 and 2 years old,” Deborah Glasser Schenck, Ph.D., director of Family Support Services at Nova Southeastern University says. It’s normal and common, so the most important thing is not to stress out too much if you’ve noticed your toddler hitting other kids (or you). The stress won’t help.

Why is this the “hitting stage”? Toddlers probably don’t understand that they’re hurting the one they hit and don’t have the impulse control to stop themselves even if they did. Just like they put things in their mouths as babies to figure them out, now they’re interacting with others in different ways to find out what reaction it will get. They’re just starting to figure out that others have their own feelings, and the more they realize that as they grow, the easier it will be to explain why it’s important to stop hurting others.

Toddlers who don’t yet have the verbal skills to explain what they want or how they feel act out through tantrums, hitting, and other physical behaviors because of the frustration of not being understood. The more verbal skills they gain, the less they’ll use physical modes of communication.

How to make your toddler stop pushing

To solve the problem, you first need to completely understand it even more specifically than what is explained above. When your toddler hits, are they:

  • feeling overwhelmed?
  • imitating something they’ve seen another kid do?
  • trying to express frustration?
  • cranky?
  • having a toy taken from them?
  • testing?

You may not be able to tell the reason right away in every case, but see if you can hone in on any patterns. Does your child always push if they are not getting what they want or does it seem out of nowhere? The first could be expressing frustration and the latter could be learning boundaries. Notice all you can from context to see what the cause may be, while keeping in mind that the reason might simply be “being a 1-year-old.”

Next, see if the cause lines up with a solution. If your toddler is testing what’s allowed, you’ll just need to calmly say “we don’t hit” and redirect to doing something else each time until they grow out of it. If they are flailing because they are hungry, tired, frustrated, or scared, the answer is likely the same (“we don’t hit,” redirect, and wait for them to develop as they grow older). You can teach a few signs for them to communicate nonverbally to help: Just “hungry,” “more,” and “all done” will solve a lot of issues before they happen.

You can also practice playtime to show them how to respond when a peer takes their toy away. Keep modeling how you want them to react gently and using words.

Never hit your child in response to their hit and make sure they’re not watching any TV or consuming other media where they are seeing hitting that they want to imitate.

Two toddlers arguing
Jill Lehmann Photography/Getty Images

Repetition and patience

Discipline won’t work for a 1-year-old the way it will for a 4-year-old. Reasoning can only go so far, so redirection is your best bet for most unwanted behaviors in young toddlers. When you see a hit happen, tell them “no,” then show them gentle touch. Getting mad will just give your child a reaction they might want to see again (any reaction is an interesting reaction to them, positive or negative; it’s all attention), so stay calm while firmly saying “no hitting.”

Since this behavior is something they’ll often grow out of as they develop understanding and restraint, it can be just as simple as saying “no, no hit” every time they hit until they stop. Toddlers need to test something dozens and dozens of times before they truly learn it (or their brain develops enough to be capable of learning it). It’s frustrating, but staying calm and patient while you continue to redirect will likely solve the issue.

Editors' Recommendations

Sarah Prager
Sarah is a writer and mom who lives in Massachusetts. Her writing has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, National…
Does your baby sleep with their mouth open? What to know about mouth breathing in babies
Mouth breathing in babies could be an indicator of mild to serious health concerns
Baby sleeping in a bed with their mouth open

Your adorable sleeping baby is so sweet to watch, but how they sleep can also be an indicator of a more serious issue, like if your baby sleeps with their mouth open. Mouth breathing in babies can be a warning sign for certain health issues like sleep apnea. If your baby sleeps with their mouth open, you'll want to bring it up with your baby's pediatrician.
There are a few potential causes of mouth breathing in babies and different ways to resolve each one. It's important to get the correct information about mouth breathing in babies and to bring it to the attention of your pediatrician. You can then take any necessary steps so you and your baby can both sleep more soundly.

What causes mouth breathing in babies?
There are a few different reasons a baby may breathe through their mouth while they are sleeping. Some are temporary reasons that aren't red flags while other causes mean you'll want to follow up with your pediatrician.
Babies don't naturally breathe through their mouths while asleep. If there is an obstruction to a newborn baby's nose, they would be more likely to wake up rather than switch to mouth breathing because of their facial anatomy at that stage of development.
First, if your baby has a stuffed-up nose from a cold or allergies, they won't have another option but to breathe through the mouth until the nose opens back up. Usually, a baby will go right back to sleeping with a closed mouth once the congestion clears. Sometimes, mouth breathing becomes a habit after a cold.
Another reason for mouth breathing is a condition called sleep apnea, in which the upper airway is obstructed. Mouth breathing during sleep is one symptom of sleep apnea in addition to snoring, pauses in breathing during sleep, and restless sleep. While sleep apnea in adults usually causes them to be tired during the day and to gain weight, in children it more often causes them to have behavioral problems and to get enlarged tonsils or adenoids. The enlarged tonsils or adenoids may also be the cause of sleep apnea.
Risk factors for pediatric obstructive sleep apnea include obesity, Down syndrome, abnormalities in the skull or face, cerebral palsy, sickle cell disease, neuromuscular disease, a history of low birth weight, and a family history of obstructive sleep apnea. Your baby may have also been born with a deviated septum, which is an abnormality in the cartilage and bone that separates the nostrils. This can lead to trouble breathing through the nose when asleep.

Read more
When do babies start talking? Should you be concerned if yours isn’t?
Learn why baby babbling is music to a parent's ears
Father talking to his infant child

Baby's first year is such an exciting time. As new parents, we are amazed at all those milestones, like rolling over and baby's first smile. One milestone many parents anxiously await is baby's first words. Will it be "mama" or "dada?" The more important question, though, may be, "When do babies start talking?"

A baby' speech development actually begins at birth. The sounds they hear, including their parents, talking is a vital step in speech development. So, when should your baby be saying those exciting first words, and should you be worried if yours isn't talking yet?
When do babies start talking?
As with all of those memorable milestones, when a baby begins to talk falls within a range. Most babies will say that treasured first word somewhere between 12 and 18 months. Once that first word comes out, it won't be long before baby is putting small words together like "up ma."

Read more
Are you a helicopter mom? Here’s how to tell and what to do about it
Is being a helicopter parent so bad? Here's how to tell if you're too overbearing
Mom encouraging baby to crawl

It's hard out there for parents these days. It seems that no matter how you parent, someone on the internet will have something to say about it, especially if you're a mom. For some reason, dads don't face nearly as much judgment about how they raise their kids as mothers do. After all, terms like silky mom, tiger mom, and crunchy mom, are now common terms used to describe different parenting methods, but the helicopter mom is the OG of these parenting styles.

What is helicopter parenting?
Helicopter parenting became a widely used term in the 1990s, and describes overprotective parents who hover over their children, hence the term "helicopter." Authors Foster Cline and Jim Fay popularized the term in their book Parenting with Love and Logic, writing that helicopter parents, "hover over and then rescue their children whenever trouble arises." They added that "they're forever running lunches, permission slips, band instruments, and homework assignments to school."
You may also recognize the helicopter parent on the playground as they hover over their child, constantly monitoring how they play and who they play with. Helicopter parents try to shield their children from any potential conflict or struggle, which can be understandable but also detrimental to a child's personal development.

Read more